Who Would You Be Without Your Story


Think about it, who would we be without our story of being a parent, a parent of a child with a label, a spouse or partner, a friend, a woman, a man? When we think about a person, an object, or ourselves, we are thinking about the past. It is the only way we know to identify the object or the person. Our thoughts then re- tell and re-create the story of the person or object always in the present. Therefore in the present we have the infinite opportunity to meet a person as if for the first time without their story. This is the heart of accepting what is: recognizing that the past is over and has no power to affect us in the present unless we choose the ego as our teacher. Without our story of the past, would we be able to see each person as if for the first time; would we be the unconditional love of God?

We are attached to our story of individuality. We think it defines who we are, a special person with our gifts and weaknesses. We use our story as a defense against the truth. We use our story to stop looking at what it really means to end our judgment of others. If we saw them as if for the first time without their stories (our thoughts of the past) then we would see ourselves for the first time without our story. How scary is that? Who would I be without my story? Would I be left with just the eternal light of God? How scary becomes miraculous.

Who would you be without your story of parenting a child with a label? Who would you be without the story of: my child has autism, bipolar disorder, attention deficit disorder, cerebral palsy—any of the disability labels? We often believe that the more positive labels will allow us to parent from a place of peace. However, who would you be without your story of my child is intellectually gifted, or creative, or adventurous, or any culturally positive labels? What would happen if we met our children each day as if for the first time? Perhaps we would see with the eyes of love in one holy instant. Given that most of us are not yet able to totally comprehend our projection of fears and judgments onto others, being able to see our children with fresh eyes as if for the first time may be all we can accomplish in any given moment. But it is a positive step. If we could see our child with fresh eyes, then we might be able to see how the story of autism, or dyslexia, or any label including the positive ones, is limiting our children to our perceptions. Our thoughts about a label, thoughts that are based on the past that does not exist anymore, automatically pre-determine our response to our child. The disability labels conjure up struggle, differences, fear of the future—all of which get assigned to our child and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Would you parent your child differently if he or she did not have this label attached? Would you parent your child differently if each moment you looked at him or her with fresh eyes, as if for the first time?

I can feel the ego in me saying, “Get real, you, your family, your friends, everyone is attached to the stories they create. So even if you can see your child each day with fresh eyes, the rest of the world does not and your child has to survive, so you have to play the game.” It really does not matter what everyone else is thinking or doing, all that matters is your decision to choose the Unified Spirit as your teacher; your decision to look at your child with fresh eyes. I cannot emphasize too much what a shift in parenting will occur when you move from worry, to accepting what is, to unconditional love. It brings us back to trusting the process, letting go to the voice of the Unified Spirit, and surrendering to whatever happens. When we surrender and give up trying to control, we know what to do. It is a shift in attitude, a shift in understanding, a few more obstacles removed in our awareness of love. It cannot be explained; words are just symbols. It is intuitive. You understand when it happens. So until it does, we choose over and over again the Unified Spirit as our teacher instead of the ego’s thought system of projection, guilt, and suffering.

Every painful and stressful event in my life has led to greater understanding, one step closer to full forgiveness, and more peace in my heart. Why would any painful or stressful event I may still encounter be any different? Why would I be afraid? Instead I can say to myself, “I am safe, I am learning what I am supposed to learn—it is perfect for what I need right now and it leads to a more peaceful and loving way of being. Each step leads me closer to being one with God and I am joyful that I am going home. I embrace each stressful or resistant thought as it is a means for my release and return to God. I cannot know the outcome. I can only trust it will be perfect for understanding the Unified Spirit’s lessons in forgiveness. This is the ultimate trust that no matter the outcome, it is perfect for my lesson in forgiveness.”

If you are stuck in your children’s story, banging your head against the wall of judgments, pain, and struggle, ask yourself what would happen if you saw your child as if for the first time, with fresh eyes, without all the garbage that comes with the label. Then you need infinite patience and trust that this new seeing will gradually change you and your child to act from a place of love. You will need to be constantly vigilant not to get pulled back into the label’s story because the ego, in the guise of everyone else, will constantly try to drag you down. Courage does not come from fighting the system, trying to fix your child, and control the outcome; courage is surrendering to the moment, seeing your child as if for the first time.

Additional Thoughts
Since writing the above for my book, my understanding of our special relationship with our children has deepened. It helps when seeing our children as if for the first time to realize that they are equal spiritual beings. Jesus says that those who chose to be with us in this physical experience are equal to us, even those who take on the role of our children. He suggests we stop using the labels of parents and children and use names instead. This seems to go to the heart of parents’ special relationships with their children. We do not think they are equal to us and they need our help and guidance to stay safe in the dream. Of course this works for all my special relationships: my parents, my friends, my house, my possessions, my mesa, anything in this dream I decide has value.

This realization that we are all equal spiritual beings finally sunk in. When I visualize Sarah and Tyler as spiritual beings equal to me, safe and Holy as children of God, I am at peace. I know we are all safe in God’s love and that we have always been safe. When I think of Sarah and Tyler as my children, the worries start, then the fear for their safety or concern for the future. I automatically choose the thought system of the ego with the thought that they are my children. Then with Tyler I often add an extra layer by thinking of him, as a child with a special needs label. This takes me deeper into the ego’s thought system of limitation and guilt.

This role of mother has become a habit that I now realize takes me out of peace. As I consistently visualize Sarah and Tyler as equal spiritual beings, no longer seeing them as mine, no longer attached to the role of mother, I set them free to be the Truth of who they are. And in setting them free I set myself free, and remove the blocks to surrendering to God’s Love, that which we are.

Categories A Course in Miracles, Spiritual Parenting and Children | Tags: | Posted on June 19, 2014

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1 Comment

  1. by Sarah

    On October 27, 2015

    So true. It feels to me that these ideas can be applied to all our relationships, with ourselves and anybody else as well as all things/objects. Everybody and everything has its own “special needs”.

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