Transitions, the End of a Story

It is a year of endings for me.  I finished my book and I am waiting for it to be published. I created a multimedia M2eBook to publicize my upcoming book.  I am waiting to market this M2eBook till September which will hopefully bring in some personal consultations.  I cancelled a conference and will be closing my nonprofit organization, The Creative Soul of Children.  My funding from the Unitarian Universalist Association was cancelled due to their budget crisis. This means no money to help subsidize my Involve workshops for churches, so there is only one scheduled so far.
My son has one more year of college.  I am in my last year living in Winchester before Rick and I move to New Mexico.  I am clearing out lots and lots of junk accumulated from living in the same house for thirty years.  We are doing some final repairs and renovation before we put the house on the market.  It is finally looking like I have always wanted it to look and then we will leave.  My support circle of friends is here and Rick’s family.  There will be a lot of goodbyes.

With so much of my professional work ending, I am left without at story of myself.  It is disconcerting.  I suddenly have lots of free time.  I find myself feeling like I did when my daughter went to college, bereft of my daily parenting story –panicky and unable to move forward.

We like our stories of being a parent, a professional, a sibling, a daughter or son.  Our stories keep us feeling special which reinforces our feelings of individuality and thus separate from others. When one of those stories changes, fear enters because we do not know who we will be without our story.  But God does not need our stories.  God knows we are in truth extensions of his/her love.  Our reality is love, not the stories we create to keep us separate from God.

The challenge for me during this transition is to let the peace of the eternal moment replace my fear of being without a current professional story.  The challenge is to refrain from finding another story to fill up what I perceive as empty space leading to panic. Books, TV, music, movies, and fantasies of a different life can easily fill the space so I do not have to look at my fears of nothingness. We have created a world filled with endless distractions.  We can always find a way to drown out the still small voice within, the voice of our higher self our connection to God. Instead that empty space can be filled with my awareness of being at one with God.  It comes and goes.

Stripping away our stories removes the blocks to loves awareness. I have moments of clarity that I have been blessed with this opportunity to practice being without a story.   But it can be scary, because deep within the unconscious I fear it will lead to oblivion.  I know it is my false sense of self which fears.  So I turn it over to the Unified Spirit, God’s voice of oneness in this world.  And I do this over and over again till I regain the deep peace within of God’s eternal love.

Categories Spiritual Parenting and Children | Tags: | Posted on May 5, 2010

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