Surrender, Gratitude, Discussion

The boat I travel in is called Surrender. My two oars are instant forgiveness and gratitude – complete gratitude for the gift of life. I am thankful for the experience of this life, for the opportunity to dance. I get angry. I get mad, but as soon as I remind myself to put my oars in the water, I forgive.

I serve. I do the dance I must. I plant trees, but I am not the doer of this work. I am the facilitator, the instrument. I am one part of the symphony. I know there is an overall scheme to this symphony that I cannot understand. In some way we are each playing our own part. It is not for me to judge or criticize the life or work of another. All I know is that this is my dance. I would plant trees today even if I knew for a certainty that the world would end tomorrow.

Balbir Mathur, from a Heron Dance interview, Issue 11 Founder of Trees for Life

It is January, the beginning of a new year. I can feel and anticipate that this year will be a time of endings and beginnings. My son will graduate from high school and go to Art College. In December, my daughter graduates from college and then wants to hike the Appalachian Trail. This month, lots of projects are coming to an end and I am not sure what is coming next. When my ego takes over I fret that my new ideas will never get off the ground and I worry about the future. When I turn it over to the Holy Spirit (my symbol for God’s voice speaking through me) and trust in God’s plan, I relax into peacefulness. The time feels perfect and I sense I am being prepared for something new to enter my life.

For over two years I have been gradually planning a project called The Creative Soul of Children (CSC) . I have minimally described this project in this bulletin several times. It involves holding two types of conferences called “The Creative Soul of Education” and “God Makes No Mistakes - Spirituality and Our Labeled Children” and grassroots organizing efforts coming out of the conferences. The conferences will first be held in the Boston area, then the Raleigh/Durham area and hopefully in the mid-west, possibly in Denver. I have assembled a National Advisory Committee, written several concept papers, researched foundations, written query letters, talked to endless numbers of people, sent out a fundraising letter to friends, recruited two people to help with fundraising, and revised the concept many, many times.

Enough funding for me to work on the CSC project full time is just within my grasp but not yet. Gradually bringing this idea to fruition has been challenging for me. When I am at peace, I know that I have been laying a solid foundation for the seeds of my idea to grow. When the time is right, it will flourish. Yet sometimes the ego’s voice takes over and wants to know why it is taking so long, that I should work harder. This process is teaching me infinite patience.

There is a line in A Course of Miracles that says, “Infinite patience brings immediate results.” This statement feels contradictory, but I intuitively know it is related to trusting in God’s plan. Trusting that it all unfolds as it should. When I listen to the ego I feel it is taking forever as if I am walking through molasses and I get frustrated and fearful. When I give it over to the Holy Spirit, then I see the timing as perfect. There are lessens for me to learn, and the CSC project will happen when there are enough people ready to hear the message.

When the ego takes over and I forget to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, the quote from Mathur helps me refocus. There is a subtle yet profound difference between implementing The Creative Soul of Children to satisfy my own ego needs for financial support and recognition and doing this work as an instrument of the Holy Spirit. When I turn my work over to the Holy Spirit I remember to surrender, to put my oars of forgiveness and gratitude into the water. I become part of the eternal dance. I learn to trust and be patient while my part in the symphony unfolds as part of the overall plan. As Mathur expressed, I would do this work even if I knew for certain that the world would end tomorrow.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your Peace. –St. Francis of Assisi